The Lowdown on Halloween at Lowe's

After dinner with the family on Saturday night, I told my wife I needed to stop by Lowe’s Home Improvement to pick up a soaker hose. For those of you who don’t live in the wonderful ~~country~~ state of Texas, soaker hoses are required to keep our houses from sinking into the ground. You see, in spite of the fact that we live in “Tornado Alley” where the only safe place is below ground, Texas houses are built without basements (yeah, it’s cheaper but you don’t think about that cowering in an interior bathroom with the tornado sirens wailing). Our houses sit on a concrete slab on top of clay soil which tends to expand when it gets wet and shrink when it dries out. And since Texas is in the worse drought in 1,000,000 years, this clay soil is shrinking like the proverbial snowball in Hades. So, to keep the plaster walls from cracking and the brick from crumbling we have to, get this, water our houses. Hence the soaker hose.

But I digress.

Anyway, we pull into the parking lot, and I tell my wife and son I’ll be just a minute. Both of them roll their eyes, because they know I’m a man. Going into a hardware store. They will be lucky to see me in an hour. And they know Lowe’s carries Halloween merchandise. So both whip out their IPhones and settle in for a long bout of Fruit Ninja.

So I head in and what do I find right inside the door? Soaker hoses! And right next to the soaker hoses… Halloween stuff!!!